anger management

Anger Management

 

Do you ever get angry?  Unless you are a rock you have times when you are dissatisfied with events, persons, or conditions which may seem to be beyond your control.  Is it sinful to be angry?  Could a good Christian ever be angry?  Think on this . . . God is the most angry “person” in the Bible.  Three hundred and sixty times we are told that God was angry (or some variation of that statement).  Even Jesus was angry at times.  If Jesus did it, it must be o.k.  No, it isn’t sinful to be angry unless you do things out of your anger to hurt others verbally or physically.  Anger is also sinful if we are motivated by selfish or sinful desires.  So Ephesians 4:26 tells us to “Be angry, and yet do not sin:  Do not let the sun go down on your anger.”  There are many prohibitions against anger in the Scripture:  Psalm 37:8 says to “Cease from anger, and forsake wrath . . . “Proverbs 22:24, 25 warns:  “Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man, lest you learn his ways, and find a snare for yourself.”  James 1:20 concludes that “The anger of man does not accomplish the righteousness of God.”  So, we need to be very careful when we are angry.  Anger must be managed.

There are inappropriate ways to try and manage anger:

1. Aggression.  This type of person acts out his anger toward others because of frustrated emotional base of incongruity between what he wants to happen and what he knows is out of his control.  Invariably this person finds “roots” for his behavior in the desire to be God.  Others try to make themselves seem larger than they are by exploding in rage.  This is a poor attempt to control anger.
2. Suppression (somatization).  This type person tends to clam up when he is angry.  As a child he may have been taught that expressions of anger were inappropriate so he learned to just stuff his feelings.  This anger will surface eventually (usually in explosions).
3. Passive aggression.  This type response comes when the individual desires to control with the least amount of vulnerability.  He does not want to risk relationships in an all out confrontation of aggression and he does not desire to hurt himself in suppression.  Therefore, he does things to “needle”, frustrate, or agitate the person with whom he is angry.  He uses this “subtle sabotage” to compete with the other person in a sly and dishonest manner.
4. Self mutilation or self depreciation.  Here the person does physical or verbal harm to himself.  Phrases like “I am so stupid, “or “I can never do anything right” become the means by which he expresses anger without harming others directly.  Physical trauma may be inflicted if the pain is deep enough.

 

There are two appropriate ways to manage anger:

1. Share your feelings of anger with others in an appropriate way in an appropriate time which will bring honor to the Lord.  Our standard of conduct is to “speak the truth in love.”  Be sure that you both speak the truth and that you speak it in love.  The person with whom you are angry may not be aware of an offense.  He will most likely appreciate an honest effort for you to express your feelings to him without accusing him of personal injustices in a caustic manner.  Emphasize your feelings about the matter.
2. Let the anger drop.  Sometimes it is most appropriate to just forgive and forget without talking to anyone about it.  Just give it to God and go on!  This is a very practical way of managing the anger by the grace of God.  Practice this form of divine forgetfulness (Philippians 3:13, 14)!

 

I believe that God is honored when we manage anger.  If you find yourself in a pattern of angry, resentful, or bitter relationships, something may be amiss in your spiritual walk with the Lord.  Ask Him to reveal the necessary changes in you and find the grace to change.  He will give you the courage and the grace to deal with occasional anger as you follow His simple plan outlined above.  To God be the glory!